Its that time again.
I'll lay out my thoughts and feelings.
Been shutting them off for quite some time now.
And they just keep on coming back.
How stubborn.

I was contemplating some things to myself.
Maybe, just maybe ..
I fear the love of another.
Quite a number of decent, sweet guys that I know.
But I refuse to even think of them.
I shut them off almost immediately and replace it with
The beautiful memories I shared with him.

The reality is scaring me.
I keep giving excuses about other guys.
Seems that they can never match up.
So many times I feel like moving ahead.
But the same me is never ready.
I cant and wont force myself.
But I yearn for some companionship.
I've been too alone throughout my existence.
Some say that my gift was strength and independence.
I have done well those times.
But I'm tired of being the strong one.
I want to be pampered and loved for a change.
I want to feel like an innocent little girl who is taken care of.
I want to be important and precious to someone.
Someone who loves me for all the little crazy things that I do.
Someone who is amuse when I throw a petty tantrum.
Someone who accepts me the way I am
Someone who will lead me to the right path.
Someone who provides me the security and comfort I longed for.
Someone with intellect and wit.
Someone with whom I can talk and communicate well with.

Thats my answer to the question -- "Describe your dream man."
I had all that. Or most of it. But it was taken away.
Still wondering what went wrong.
The questions of "Did he ever love me? Did he ever give his heart to me?"
Have been plaguing my head.

Frankly, I think I'm a confused girl.
There are so many things that confuse me.
I can never be certain anymore.
Its so hard to think straight.
The most obvious situation can puzzle me at times.
Think I have to figure out myself first.
Time to take out that TO-DO list that I never started.
But no. Not now. Im tired. I cant think.
Gosh! whats wrong with me!

An act of love need not be
a gesture great and grand ...
A smile can work a miracle
and show you understand

Being there in time of need
transcends the spoken word;
A helping hand is simply grand
when hearts begin to bleed.

A prayer is nothing till its heard beyond the highest leaf
But when its answered, oh my friend,
how strong is our belief!
An act of love may simply be a smile, a hug or a kiss
But its a joy for all to see when troubles come like this.

Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your resistance,
...means courage

Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
...means strength

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right,
...means determination

Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
...means compassion

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability,
...means loyalty

Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing
But nothing in return,
...means selflessness

Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrow's,
And never giving up,
...means confidence.

It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly
alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must
hunger after them.

- George Elliot

A never ending obstacle
Something that no one would understand
And I would know I barely understand my own LIFE

My body is constanly changing
Hormones make me confused and dizzy
Make me a real pain sometimes
Cheering one minute, sobbing the next
I guess this is LIFE

My taste in my appearence is like a mood ring
It changes with my state of mind
Should I dress all in black?
Or paint my nails electric blue?
I guess I could do both, after all, it is my LIFE

My parents want the best for me
"Be a doctor-you'll get a lot of money"
But what if I want to be an artist? A musician? An entertainer?
Let me do something I love, it will be my LIFE

My love life might as well be stage fright
My knees are shaking. Did I deliver the right line?
I start to hate myself. I said the wrong thing
But that's natural for me, it happens all the time because it's LIFE

My friends accept me the way I am
At least the true ones do
They hold the key to my heart
I just wish they were here to unlock it now
Because, right now, I have a depressing LIFE

My life. I love it. I hate it
But I can't screw it up
I'll have it till I'm buried six feet underground
It'll last a lifetime because it's my LIFE

I am a smart girl, I get A's on my report card.
But I think the work we do in school is hard.
I am a happy girl, I smile and jump around.
But I can cry tears, without a single sound.
I am an angry girl, I feel rage inside of me.
But when I look at others, it's not so bad I see.
I am a sappy girl, filled with romantic notions.
But sometimes I'm buried under disillusions.
I am a sad girl, I feel as if I have nothing.
But I try to be positive at what each day will bring.
I am all of those emotions mixed in a whirl
But actually I am simply, just a girl.

::: Change :::

Can you solve for me a mystery
Of why things have to change
Why is life so complicated
Why can't things stay the same
I understand that people grow
And often grow apart
But why did it have to be you
When I had given you my heart
I held inside my feelings
Never told you how I feel
But I need to tell you somehow
That I know this could be real
You have a special something
I just can't figure out
But I know that it could work
That's what love's about
I'll keep inside my feelings
I just can't let you know
Because of what will happen
You'll change and then you'll go